Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Still here, Still Pregnant

I'm SO, SO sorry. What an ungrateful wretch I am. I should have update months ago and have no excuses.

So, the blob just eventually went away. It got smaller and smaller until by around 14 weeks we couldn't see it at all. Then, I had several episodes of spotting that led to eleventy million ulltrasounds and an eventual diagnosis of a cervical polyp that is too far from the cervical opening to cause too many problems (we think.)

During one of the many u/s, we saw-without really wanting to know- that the baby is a boy. And you'd think, after all the complications and scary shit we've gone through since the very beginning of this pregnancy that I could just be glad I was still pregnant and that the baby was still alive. But, no, because I'm an asshole- I cried. AGAIN. I really, really want a daughter and this very may well be my last pregnancy. So, yeah, I'm dealing with that.

I'm 27w1d, and have almost no baby related tasks done. Gabriel is getting close to being potty trained- this should hopefully give me a month or two off from washing diapers, which will be nice. Gabriel is still co-sleeping and I don't think thats going to change any time soon so I'm simultaneously dreading and looking forward to sleeping between my two boys. The giant boy that I live with will likely spend most of his nights in the guest bed, but its comfy and he snores, so we're both ok with it.

I promise it won't be months before I update again!


Blogger Sassy said...

I'm glad to hear you're okay. :)

March 25, 2009 8:59 PM  
Blogger tonya said...

I am just hugely relieved that you are okay, given how frighteningly this whole experience began. Hoping things get less worrisome, and that you can find some way towards peace since you found out the baby's sex.

Some might not "get it" but I feel that it is okay to mourn the loss of a dream of a daughter. Keeping you in my thoughts.

March 26, 2009 11:32 AM  
Blogger Lut C. said...

Good to hear things are going well.

Rationally, I understand your pang of disappointment because you're not having that dreamed of daughter.
Emotionally, I'm in the wrong frame of mind to sympathize with your disappointment beyond a few posts. At your rate of posting, that won't be a problem. ;-)

Seriously, do post again when you feel like it AND say whatever you need to get off your chest. This is your space!

March 26, 2009 12:06 PM  
Anonymous Angela said...

Thank you so much for updating. I've been thinking about you and checking for updates and am VERY relieved to hear that you are doing well. That is such great news.

Also, you shouldn't feel guilty about mourning the idea of having a daughter. It is possible to be happy about a healthy pregnancy and to be sad (for a while anyway)about it not being a girl. They are separate and distinct feelings.

March 26, 2009 12:44 PM  
Blogger Thalia said...

Angela said it beautifully. You are entitled to whatever feelings you're having. We know you will be delighted once he's here.

March 28, 2009 2:42 AM  
Blogger Catizhere said...

I am SOOOO relieved! Happy that you remembered us and gave an update.

I say YAY for boys! The clothes aren't anywhee neas as cute & frilly, but they have better toys.

Glad that all is weel & I hope that we "see" more of you!!

March 30, 2009 9:46 AM  
Blogger Alexicographer said...

Wow, what a pleasant surprise. I've been stopping by from time to time and while I was always disappointed not to find an update, I also feared the one I would find. So nice to find those fears were misplaced.

I can't really add to what's been said about the baby's sex, but, yeah. It's OK. I hope and trust that when you meet him he'll be the light of your life, but I do understand you're giving up one dream to get there...

March 30, 2009 7:23 PM  
Blogger Nic said...

Hey! We haven't communicated in a good long while... but I just happened to stop by and see your news! I know just how you feel - I have two boys now too... I am definitely mourning the loss of the daughters I had dreamed of, but I don't love the new baby (Timmy) any less because of it. To be honest, I still feel a pang when one of my friends "gets" to have a girl... I don't know that will ever go away. But my boys are great despite that feeling.

June 07, 2009 6:58 PM  
Blogger Nic said...

Oooh, I just realized that as you posted this back in March, your due date is coming up soon! I hope all is still well, and that you post after your new little guy is here!

June 07, 2009 7:01 PM  
Anonymous Angela said...

Also hoping for an update soon!

July 03, 2009 12:20 PM  
Blogger Catizhere said...

Sooooo. MONTHS have gone by and STILL no update.

July 23, 2009 8:31 AM  
Blogger Milenka said...

Thinking, wondering, hoping...and perhaps worrying a tiny bit? Please let us know how you all are? Pretty please? Are you on facebook or anything?

August 01, 2009 11:44 PM  
Blogger Sarah in Ottawa said...

I hope that you are doing well with your new little one. Check in when you can!

September 02, 2009 6:53 PM  
Blogger SassyCupcakes said...

I'm thinking of you and hoping everything turned out okay.

September 21, 2009 9:14 PM  

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