Friday, May 23, 2008

Snow White

was the color of the HPT I peed on this morning at 11 days past supposed ovulation. I wasn't surprised, or even that disappointed, strangely. Weird.

What I really came to rant about is how difficult OPKs are to read. M and I were both squinting at it this week, trying to figure out which line was darker, then trying to figure out if we had gone over the time limit in which you're supposed to read the stupid thing...

Last time we did this, I used a fertility monitor for a little while, then gave it up because my long cycles made the sticks got to be too expensive and I just decided it was too much of a PITA. I pulled it out again to maybe use it for this cycle and its broken. I think I'm going to get a new one on Feebay for the next cycle. The reasons I didn't like it before still exist, but my fertility "signals" are not as clear this time and I have less time to analyze them then I did before, which is probably a good thing.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Pee sticks, redux

Gabriel is 21 months old. We waited longer than I thought we would, longer than we probably should have, to start thinking about baby #2.
My cycles are strange. Usually very long, sometimes anovulatory. I'm still nursing G, but the cycle weirdness probably can't be blamed on the nursing, because this wasn't unusual before he was concieved. Today is cycle day 20'ish, and I've had egg white for a few days and today the line on the stick is finally starting to look similar to the control line.
Looks like its time for more fun, fun, fun ttc sex. I thought maybe we could just do that "not trying, but not preventing" thing. Ha! You have to have sex for that to work. Between Gabriel still co-sleeping, the exhaustion of parenting a toddler and M's exhausting work schedule, recreational sex is the furthest thing from our minds these days.

When I started blogging, there were a few other blogs that got started around the same time I did, and coincidentally all of us had babies around the same time. A few other blog babies were born around that time too. Most of us are thinking about or currently gestating the next baby, some of us are just happy with one.

Honestly, I think I could be happy with just one baby. Trying to conceive is such a mind-fuck, and while I loved pregnancy, that labor and birth thing was not fun. The biggest reason we want more children is the deep desire for Gabriel to have siblings. I really believe the sibling relationship is as deep and important as the parent/child relationship. I don't want to deny him that relationship because I'm scared of childbirth or afraid of the chaos of the early years of parenting more than one child.

So, I'm peeing on sticks again. Its different this time. I feel hopeful and nervous-and wonder when/if this will give way to despair. I try to enjoy every minute with Gabriel, even when its hard and he's screaming and pulling everything out of my cabinets and shaking pail powder all over the house. Or climbing on the kitchen table, pulling out napkins, playing with placemats and dumping salt and pepper everywhere.

I'll keep you posted on the second round of peeing on sticks, in about 2 weeks or so. I've already ordered the jumbo pack.