Balls

Thats what we saw last week at our ultrasound. Our little exhibitionist spread his legs,mooned the "camera",and there they were. A teeny little penis and teeny little balls. No doubt about it, this kid has outdoor plumbing.
Mitch cried. I felt like I was having an out of body experience.
Now, if you are still trying to get pregnant, stop reading. I mean it. Stop. Now.
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Then I cried. And not in a good way.
I never thought I'd have a boy. I always imagined myself as the mother of girls.
I felt like I had an idea how to raise a girl to be strong, independent, self-assured, sweet, compassionate and loving. I don't have any idea how to raise a boy.

I felt like the world's WORST mother already. The guilt was CONSUMING me. How DARE I feel anything but joy?!?!?
I would give everything I own for this baby to be born safely, and I was SAD because he wasn't a girl?

Then,later that day, I tentatively started talking to my mom and my girlfriends about it. And they all told me they felt the same way, about their first children especially. And I started to feel better. I started to realize that I wasn't really sad that he's a boy, I just had to feel the loss of my idea that I was having a girl.
I have always been BEYOND grateful that he is healthy and appears to be thriving. But now I am as in love with the u/s picture of his tiny balls as my husband is. I'm looking forward to being the mother of a sweet little boy.
I still have a hard time looking at tiny pink smocked dresses, but I'm very excited to be buying blue corduroy overalls instead.

(Please, PLEASE do not leave nasty comments about what an ungrateful bitch I am. Anyway, nothing you can say to me will make me feel any worse than I already did.)